Dear Abby: My son’s wife is an alcoholic

A Texas Woman's Lament: To Stay Silent or Speak Up in the Face of Toxic Family Dynamics?

In a family drama that would make even the most seasoned therapist pause, a woman from Texas has penned a letter to Dear Abby, seeking guidance on how to navigate a treacherous situation involving her son and his wife. The 50th birthday celebration of Adam, the oldest son, had been carefully planned by Lindy, who is known for her heavy drinking habits.

During the party, Lindy let loose, criticizing Adam's daughter from a previous marriage for not attending the event, which left the writer, a grandmother, seething with anger. However, due to the presence of friends and family members, she chose to remain silent, opting not to rock the boat.

Now, the writer is torn between maintaining her relationship with Lindy and ending it altogether due to Lindy's toxic behavior. Adam and his father are unaware of the incident, which has created a rift in their family dynamics. The writer asks for advice on how to proceed, wondering if she should keep her silence or speak up about Lindy's outburst.

Dear Abby advises the writer to "keep your lip zipped" and resist the urge to further upset the situation, suggesting that speaking up now might exacerbate the problem. However, this response has raised eyebrows among readers, who feel that the writer's daughter-in-law's behavior warrants more attention from her family members.

A separate query from a friend in Ohio has also sparked debate, as she weighs the importance of maintaining her friendship with someone who is struggling to advance in their career due to what she perceives as outdated expectations. The advice from Dear Abby suggests that sharing her thoughts and concerns with her friend would be beneficial, but this stance may not resonate with everyone.

Ultimately, these two stories highlight the complexity of family relationships and the need for individuals to navigate challenging situations with sensitivity and tact. While remaining silent might seem like an easy way out, it can also perpetuate toxic dynamics and prevent meaningful conversations from taking place.

The question remains: when should we speak up, and when is it better to keep our silence? In situations like these, it's crucial to consider the motivations behind our actions and the potential consequences of our words.
 
🤔 I mean, can you imagine being in that woman's shoes? Watching your grandchild get totally roasted by your own daughter-in-law in front of friends and family? It's gotta be super painful. And yeah, I feel for her, she chose to stay silent 'cause didn't wanna rock the boat, but at the same time, she got this huge bad feeling about Lindy's behavior that she can't ignore. 🤕

In situations like these, it's all about finding that balance between being a good friend and family member, and setting boundaries when needed. I think what Dear Abby said might be a bit too chill for some people, but maybe her advice is actually the lesser of two evils? Idk, I'd want to have a heart-to-heart with Lindy first before making any big decisions about whether or not to speak up. 💬
 
I think its a tough spot for anyone in that situation 😩. I mean, you're gonna miss out on all that party fun and your family is counting on you to be there 🎉, but at the same time, Lindy's behavior is super unacceptable 💁‍♀️. Its like do you prioritize being a good daughter-in-law or do you stand up for yourself? 🤔 I feel like its better to address it somehow, even if its hard, because letting it slide could lead to more drama down the line 🚫. My grandma always says that silence is golden, but in this case, I think its more like quiet contemplation 😊...just thinking about what you wanna do next and how you're gonna approach it 👀
 
I'm really frustrated with this whole situation 🤯... my aunt went through something similar with her sister and now I see why she would want to speak up - those heavy drinking habits can be super toxic 💉. But at the same time, like, Adam's family is oblivious to what's going on, so it's hard for his wife to know how to approach the situation... should she just stay quiet or risk rocking the boat? 🤔 I think it's a bit of both, you know? We need to speak up when people are being hurtful or toxic, but also consider the potential fallout. It's like, if Adam and his dad don't even know what's going on, then maybe just keeping quiet for now is the best way to handle it... for now 🤷‍♀️
 
🤔 I'd say sometimes staying quiet can be a temporary fix, but not a long-term solution. If you're genuinely concerned about someone's behavior, speaking up can actually help clear the air and prevent more harm down the line. But it's gotta be done with empathy & clarity 📝
 
omg i feel so bad for this family 🤕...i mean, i get why she wanted to stay silent at that party, but now she's second-guessing herself and it's like, what even is going on? 😩 is it better to just deal with Lindy's toxic behavior and risk losing her relationship or speak up and risk causing more drama? 🤔

i think the thing is, as much as we wanna protect our loved ones from hurtful comments, we also gotta consider whether that's really gonna make things better in the long run. like, if Lindy keeps acting out, it's not gonna change, but by staying silent, you're just enabling her behavior 🤷‍♀️.

and on a side note, i love how everyone is weighing in on this and sharing their own thoughts...it's like, we should all be having these conversations with our friends and family members who are struggling 😊.
 
Ugh, can you even imagine being in that situation?! 🤯 I'm totally feeling Lindy's grandma right now - all this drama going on and not one single person speaking up... like what even is that? 🙄 It's like, you wanna keep the peace for a sec, but then you're just gonna let someone's toxic behavior slide? No thanks! 😒 I think Dear Abby was way too chill with her advice, tbh. Like, yeah maybe it's not the best idea to stir up more drama now, but shouldn't Lindy's grandma be like, "Girl, no!" or something? 🤷‍♀️ Idk, maybe I'm just being dramatic 😂, but I think we should all strive for better communication in our fams. Less silence, more speaking up! 💬
 
I'm reading this thread ages ago lol, but I gotta say, it still resonates with me. I've been in similar situations where I felt like speaking up would just make things worse, but then again, staying silent can be pretty toxic too 🤔. I think the biggest thing is to know when you're not gonna be able to have a calm and rational conversation about it later on. Like, if you let something simmer for a while and then blow up at Lindy in front of everyone, that's just gonna make things worse. But on the other hand, if you don't say anything and it blows over, you might feel like you've missed an opportunity to set boundaries. I'm no expert, but I think it's all about knowing your own triggers and being able to take a step back when emotions are running high 🤗.
 
I feel for this woman who's stuck in a super toxic family situation with her son's wife mom Lindy 🤕. I mean, that outburst at Adam's 50th birthday party was totally uncalled for. But at the same time, I get why she didn't speak up there and then - safety first, right? 👍

The thing is, staying silent can be a way of avoiding conflict, but it doesn't solve anything in the long run. And letting it slide now just might let Lindy keep being that toxic person. 🤦‍♀️ I think the writer should have an honest chat with her son Adam about what happened and how it's affecting him and his daughter-in-law.

And then there's this other thing about not speaking up to a friend who's struggling because they're afraid of rocking the boat... yep, that's just enabling. 🚫 We gotta find a balance between being supportive and telling our friends when they're being super out of line. Maybe it's time for some tough love conversations? 💬
 
🤔 u know i'm all about format & structure, but this family drama got me thinking 🤷‍♀️... if that girl in texas was gonna speak up, she should've done it back then 😒. idk what's holding her back now? maybe its fear of rocking the boat or something? 🚣‍♀️ either way, i think its better to address toxic behavior ASAP 💯. u can't just keep quiet & expect things to change on their own 🙅‍♀️. and btw, dear abby's advice was super vague... where's the tough love? 😒
 
🤔 I think its kinda weird that Dear Abby told her to just chill about the situation... like isnt that gonna help the family at all? 🙄 Sometimes speaking up is the only way to clear the air, but on the other hand, if you stir up trouble, it might make things worse. Idk, I guess its all about weighing the pros and cons and being prepared for any outcome. 💬
 
🤔 I'm low-key surprised that Dear Abby told her granddaughter-in-law to just chill on speaking up about Lindy's outburst... like, isn't that kinda dismissive? 🙄 I mean, yeah, you don't wanna rock the boat or make things worse, but at the same time, if someone's being super toxic and hurtful, shouldn't we be supporting each other instead of just sitting it out?

I'm also wondering what would've happened if Lindy hadn't had a bunch of people around to buffer her behavior... would Adam's daughter have been better off dealing with that kind of drama from his mom? 🤷‍♀️ I don't know, maybe she was just having a bad day, but it's still weird how we're supposed to be all like "oh, Lindy's just being dramatic" when in reality, someone's being pretty hurtful.

And can we talk about how messed up it is that Adam and his dad aren't even aware of what went down? 🤯 Like, how do you navigate a family situation without even knowing what's going on?! It's like, should we just be like "oh, everything's fine" when really it's not?

Overall, I think these kinds of situations require some serious nuance and empathy... and sometimes that means having tough conversations instead of just keeping quiet. 💬
 
ugh, can't even trust Dear Abby anymore 🙄... like, isn't her job to tell people to speak up for their own well-being?! seems like she's just as bad at navigating family drama as everyone else 🤦‍♀️. personally think the writer should've spoke up about Lindy's toxic behavior, but what's a grandma to do? 🙃 also feel bad for Adam and his daughter-in-law, they deserve better than their mom's crazy antics 😒. meanwhile, this friend in Ohio is just stuck in a friendship rut... sharing her concerns wouldn't hurt anyone, but I guess that's just my two cents 💸. anyway, can we all just agree to prioritize our own sanity and well-being over "not wanting to rock the boat"?! 🚀
 
I'm so done with people like Lindy who think they can just blow off steam on others' events and get away with it 🙄. Like, what even is that? And now she's making her grandkid feel bad because of it? No wonder the grandma is torn - Lindy's toxic behavior is not something to be taken lightly.

And you know what really gets me? The fact that Adam and his family are in the dark about this whole thing. That's just ridiculous. If I were in their shoes, I'd have a full-on family meeting ASAP and get some clarity on what's going on.

Dear Abby's advice is always so wishy-washy - either tell someone to keep quiet or break out the big guns? Can't we just have a straightforward conversation about how hurtful Lindy's words were? It's not rocket science, folks!
 
I totally get why this woman feels torn - on one hand, she doesn't want to ruin her relationship with Lindy, but on the other, Lindy's behavior is literally toxic 🤯. And I think it's crazy that Dear Abby is saying just keep quiet, like that's gonna fix everything 🙄. Newsflash, people: speaking up (in a non-judgy way) can actually be super healing and help people grow.

And same thing with this other lady in Ohio - she's worried about her friend's career, but instead of being supportive, she's just telling her to "keep pushing" 🤷‍♀️. That's not helpful at all! We need to be there for our friends, even when they're struggling. Maybe we can't fix everything, but we can show up and listen, you know? 💕
 
OMG, I'm so with her fam! 🤯 Like, if someone slaps down your kid in front of everyone, that's a major deal-breaker. Can't just ignore it 'cause she doesn't wanna rock the boat. That's like saying "keep quiet about me being mugged" or something 😒. If Adam and his dad don't know about it, maybe they should be told. It's not fair to her daughter-in-law that she's getting roasted by her own mom, and Lindy's toxic behavior is only gonna make things worse if she doesn't speak up about it. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? 🤷‍♀️
 
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